Written by yours truly, Erica L. Blanks-Wilson, M.A. LPC-S of Tea with a Splash of Therapy, LLC.

This song had us in a chokehold all of 2025, didn’t it?! It was everywhere…like EVERYWHERE!

In our last post, we defined depression and discussed ways in which she might treat her visit. Now, let’s introduce depression’s messy cousin, Madam Anxiety.

The Madam

“Madam,” per Merriam-Webster, is a polite or respectful way to address a woman.

So why would I choose to be respectful toward something that can sometimes bring grief or feel like pure chaos?

Because maybe — just maybe — I’ve been looking at her in the wrong light.

As I shared in my previous post, I’ve been practicing a shift in adulthood: viewing emotions and feelings as experiences that are a part of me, not something that defines me. Anxiety included.

The Science behind Anxiety

Let’s begin with the clinical definition.

Per the American Psychological Association (APA), anxiety is “a future-oriented, long-acting response broadly focused on a diffuse threat.”

In short? It’s your body’s attempt to seek safety.

It’s your fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response activating to protect you.

In my work with clients, I provide psychoeducation on the differences between nervousness, worry, and anxiety. As a society, we often label everything as anxiety instead of developing the skills to understand its true purpose — protection. (If you need another example, check out Disney Pixar’s Inside Out 2.)

Here’s the breakdown:

  • Nervousness is immediate and temporary apprehension triggered by fear or heightened concern. It often fades once the situation resolves.
  • Worry is cognitive processing. It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s your brain trying to problem-solve or reach a logical conclusion.
  • Anxiety, clinically speaking, is your body’s physiological alarm system. When your brain perceives danger (real or imagined), it activates protective defenses: increased heart rate, muscle tension, heightened awareness, shallow breathing.

When you think about it, anxiety is actually an evolutionary gift. Without it, our ancestors wouldn’t have survived.

Anxiety and Falling Forward

“This is too scary.”
“That might not work.”
“But what if it fails?”
“Am I sure about this?”
“Maybe it’s not the right time.”
“Is it too late?”

Often, these phrases aren’t clinical anxiety speaking.

They’re nervousness.
They’re worry.
They’re your brain calculating risk.

Madam Anxiety, however, has a specific job — and she performs it responsibly. She honors your decisions and adjusts accordingly. As you fall forward in life, her role is simply to help you land safely. So why blame her for doing exactly what she was designed to do?

So What Do You Do When She Madam Anxiety Acts?

You thank her.

She means well. She does not intend to embarrass you or hold you back. She is doing what she was created to do.

Through my own healing journey and continued learning, I’ve embraced the idea that anxiety can exist on a spectrum — what some refer to as facilitating versus debilitating anxiety.

This isn’t new thinking.

  • Søren Kierkegaard (1844) described anxiety as part of human growth.
  • Otto Rank (1932) suggested anxiety was essential for creativity and development, even linking it to the trauma of birth itself.

The key is regulation.

Self-Regulation

Becoming attuned to your body’s cues when you feel triggered. Notice the tightening chest. The shallow breath. The racing thoughts. When you identify the cue, pause. Take one breath. Then another. Maybe three.

For example, this short video of 4 Square Breathing can be of assistance.

Co-Regulation

This involves regulating with the support of another person who can remain steady while you recalibrate. A trusted friend. A partner. A therapist.

Co-regulation can also include:

  • A beloved pet
  • A shift in environment
  • Gentle movement
  • Nature

We are wired for connection. Sometimes safety is borrowed before it is rebuilt internally.

Your Turn to Reflect

I invite you, dear reader, to reflect on how you perceive your experience with Madam Anxiety.

Pause for a second and ask yourself:

  • Am I feeling nervous?
  • Am I worrying?
  • Or, am I truly experiencing anxiety?

Regularly practice some sort of mindful exercise to better educate your brain and your body on how it needs to react and respond. Evaluate or build your support system so that when co-regulation is needed, you already have your map ready.

Here’s your next track list. “Anxiety” by Doechii.

Artist: Doechii

Song Title: Anxiety

Take Care… Until the Next Brewing Thoughts.