No, Not That One — I’m Talking About Depression!
In the words of Simon & Garfunkel (The Sound of Silence, 1964), “hello darkness, my old
friend…”
In our last post, we talked about falling forward—taking that leap of faith, that first invisible
step. Well, unfortunately, sometimes depression decides to come along for the ride. She’s like a
plus-one who was intentionally left off the invite list because she kills the vibe… and yet here
she comes, with the audacity to not even bring a gift.
Let’s Talk About Why I Call Her “She.”
So why am I referring to little Miss Depression as a “she”—as if she were a person?
For me, I’ve been practicing, especially in adulthood, the art of placing certain emotions,
feelings, and energies outside of myself. What I mean by this is simple: just because something
is part of my experience doesn’t mean it defines who I am or determines who I can be.
So, if I can view depression as an entity that comes to visit from time to time, I can manage her
with appropriate regard. That’s how I choose to view her. But by all means, refer to your
experience with depression in whatever way resonates with you.
Now, let’s continue.
Understanding Depression
Depression, per the World Health Organization, is “a common mental health condition that can
happen to anyone. It is characterized by a low mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities
for long periods of time.”
It’s safe to say that the majority of us—if not all of us—have danced with her at some point in
our lives. Maybe because of loss, life transitions, shifts in friendships or relationships, biological
factors, psychological factors… the list goes on.
And sometimes she doesn’t show up alone. She’ll bring a traveling companion—also known as a
comorbidity. Depression can coexist with substance use, or, more often than not, she’s in cahoots
with her messy cousin Anxiety (we’ll talk about her shenanigans next time!).
When Depression Interrupts Your Forward Fall
As you’re falling forward in life, pushing through your pruning season, depression can creep in
and slow your momentum.
Depression looks different for everyone. For me, I know I experience high-functioning
depression. You might see me smiling and laughing, but when I get home, I turn into a potato on
the couch until bedtime—which might end up being 1 or 2 a.m.—and then drag myself to get up
for the gym at 6 a.m. (which realistically snoozes until about 7:00 or 7:15).
Another example? I can have a full weekend packed with social events, yet cry in the car
between destinations like I’m switching emotional radio stations.
Your experience is yours. It’s real. And it’s valid.
So What Do You Do When She Visits?
As I mentioned earlier: you treat her with respect.
Now, this might confuse you—so let me break it down.
In my work with clients, I love reframing definitions and swapping out charged words for their
synonyms. Let’s practice.
Start by reflecting on how you perceive the word respect.
Per Merriam-Webster, respect means “a feeling or understanding that someone or something is
important, serious, etc., and deserves appropriate treatment or regard.”
Let’s replace respect with one of its synonyms: regard.
As a verb, “to regard” means “to make notice of something through the use of one’s eyes.”
Synonyms include see, view, observe, watch, consider, attend to—to name a few.
Little Miss Depression wants to be seen. Considered. Acknowledged. Validated.
She’s essentially an alert that something in your life has impacted you—big, small, or
somewhere in between. She reminds you that you are human, experiencing the ebb and flow of
real emotions.
And here’s the beautiful thing about guests:
They leave once their stay is over.
Your Turn to Reflect
I invite you, dear reader, to reflect on how you perceive your experience with depression:
- Are you treating her badly because she showed up uninvited again?
- Or are you allowing her to take up safe, temporary space until she’s ready to go back home?
This practice—working with and viewing your depression in this way—is easier said than done.
But it is a practice.
I challenge you to take the first step in creating space, however that looks for you. Maybe it’s
singing the sad song out loud. Maybe it’s shouting in the woods while you hike alone. Maybe it’s
letting yourself cry instead of running away from the tears.
Creating space for her—safely and appropriately—is key.
Here’s your next track list. “Cruising to Self Soothe” by Ecca Vandal.
Artist: Ecca Vandal
Song Title: Cruising to Self Soothe
Take Care… Until the Next Brewing Thoughts.
